Imagine making a joke. Everyone starts laughing. You feel good because you made everyone else feel good. Only one person gets hurt, but the problem is never addressed. How do you then solve this issue if there were no harm.
When it comes to a person being passive aggressive, they are usually the person that is hurt is the previous example. Passive aggressive behaviors and aggressive behavior tend to conflict each other in this way because of lack of communication. By communication, it's not only verbal, but also nonverbal. Both are equally as important and effective enough to really understand your vibe and interaction with someone especially when it comes to speaking up.
So when do you speak up? The best time...right away, but still be aware of the timing. Sometimes the level of confrontation stems from tone and intentions. For some, when their emotions are recognized, they immediately express it without any filter, which then cause a conflict with the other person because they are unaware of the problem. In that moment the person without the filter demands their needs to be met. This is an example of the aggressor.
The aggressor tends to be straight forward, bold, and very upfront when it comes to confrontation. Even if their intentions isn't to hurt, their execution of resolving conflict can be perceived as either disrespectful or concerning. An aggressor would feel like speaking up right away would be effective because they feel that if the problem can be solved now, it won't be an issue in the future. This can cause the other person to be helpless and challenged. This other person in the conflict is an example of the passive aggressor.
Passive aggressive individuals have the hardest time speaking up. They don't say anything right away because they are more concerned about timing of issue and another person's feelings. The irony is most people that identify as the aggressor find this offensive because the level of omitted information can viewed as lying or the aggressor doesn't feel important enough to receive uncomfortable information. Most passive aggressive people have a huge fear of conflict and confrontation because they already feel beaten by the situation so they do whatever they can to avoid it at all cost instead of being assertive.
How does one become assertive in the first place? It boils down to compromising. There has to be a sense of balance that even an extreme aggressive person and an extreme passive aggressive person can work together on. In order to do that, they have to focus on healthy conflict resolutions and not focus on attacking the person. Of course it depends on the role you play in that person's life and the vibe you have with them. How you deal with an issue with a stranger is going to be different than dealing with it with a family or friend.
What aggressive and passive aggressive people don't realize is that they have one thing in common with each other: the feeling of lack of power. Aggressor project emotions because they feel powerless while passive aggressor already feel powerless because they feel attacked. On the positive side, both people can gain a sense of power just by developing healthy communication skills and set boundaries that helps find who they can be compatible with. Anybody can social, but it takes confronting yourself in order to be assertive with others.
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