Saturday, May 25, 2013
There are so many expectations when it comes to dating especially on the first date. Opinions fly everywhere on who should pay, who should pick who up, or where to go. Paying is the most important thing to discuss because you don't want the other person playing you out your money. So who should pay? Well that question gets asked a lot and what I found his most people say the guy because it represents chivalry and bein curteous. Others say the girl should pay just because the guy took her out, some say the couple should just go dutch. As long as the bill gets paid, negotiation is important.
When it comes to the guy paying, women have expectations based on him making the first move with the bill. When he pays, it makes her think that he is responsible and has the key word that floats in women's head, money. Most women look for stability and someone to take care of them so when a guy pays he makes a good first impression that heightens her standards. Of course some women will pull that trick where she pretends to pay just to see if he insist on paying and the minute he doesn't mind doing so, she feels that he is being a gentlemen. Another aspect is the fact that if he asked her out, then he should automatically pay because he initiated. This goes for the women to because you are taking the person somewhere so therefore you are offering to pay for everything.
When it comes to the girl paying, again she should do so if she asked him out because she initiated and is showing that she enjoyed the date with him. A lot of guys actually like when the girl pays to him it makes him feel like she appreciated his company and his time. Appreciation is a big deal to men so if a girl is willing to pay with no problem, his ego will be happy.
If you guys choose to go dutch make sure it is established before going on the date. Nothing's worst than feeling awkward on the first on who should pay because one expected to go dutch and the other wanted the other person to pay. At least when you agree to split the bill, it's equal. Something that some couples do is one person pays the bill and the other person leaves the tip which is pretty smart. Either way you are both pitching in as a team.
It doesn't seem like there's a right or wrong way on the first date I don't know who should really pay. It's important that people take turns with paying so it doesn't make the other person seem spoiled. If one person pays one night, the other person should pay another night. If two people decides to go dutch then so be it. If one person pays the bill the other person should leave a tip. You are trying to get to know each other and within that is impressing each other so it's best to do your fair share.
What are your rules for paying on the first date? Should the guy pay or the girl pay? Is going dutch acceptable the first night?
Posted by TIAJ at 12:38 AM
Friday, May 24, 2013
Many things causes dating your best friend's ex to be a stigma because it's the idea that it's disrespectful and you are sharing that person. That person is literally being passed around if they are moving from friend to friend especially if they are mutual friends. It's understandable to be skeptical of the friend and the ex depending on the timing of the break up. If the couple just freshly broken up and now all of a sudden the ex is dating the other friend, it looks more suspicious because then it's like, did the plan out the break up so them two can be together? Did the friend wait for their best friend to break up with their partner so they can hook up? It's very weird and then the friendship becomes awkward. If it has been years later since the break up then where's the stigma in all of that.
As far as the sharing aspect of it, most people find it awkward especially when the friend and the ex are always around because when the ex was with the best friend, the best friend would go back to their other friends about their many escapades and adventures they had which gave the other friends a visual of what went on. So now that the new friend has a chance with ex, they now know exactly or at least has an idea of what they are getting into because their friend told everything. Yes, that seems very weird, but some people do say what's kept in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom, so if you let it all out, don't think that people forgot about that visual about the special pole dance or a position you invented. It's understandable that it can be hard to not talk about your amazing sessions with that person when you were together, but if you are they type that don't want anyone dating your ex, check the type of friends that you talk to because some of them might take mental notes about your significant other or they could stay out of your business.
Now if you are going to date your best friend's ex and the friend is ok with it, some poeple feel that there are still rules to doing so:
Think about it, you are dating your best friend's ex, everybody knows what they did when they were with the other friend. Yes, you might've triend new things or positions yourself, but your friend did give you ideas ahead of time.
Don't Always Complain To Your Friends About The Relationship
It's really weird to complain about the same things your best friend complained to you about. So now it's like you are experiencing deja vu. You might as well take your own advice that you used to give your best friend when they were having problems. Maybe an advice or two here and there is ok, but hopefully it's on something different than what you guys used to talk about.
Limit The Amount Of PDA
You don't want to rub it in your friend's face that the two of you are now a couple. Even if you are not trying to or being too affectionate, just be respectful of others around you.
Take Things Slow
Try not to fall too quickly into the relationship. Even if the two of you are friends, still make sure there is some type of compatiblity there just like dating anybody else. This is very crucial if the best friend and the ex just recently broken up because then it goes back to sharing the person and waiting for the old relationship to end so the two of you can be together. Either way still take your time because love shouldn't be rushed.
Some of you might be thinking these rules are full of crap and that's just an excuse to hook and you might be right, but others might actually use the rules and put it to good use. As long as nobody gets hurt, do what you want.
I knew some people that did the whole dating the best friends ex thing where the friend actually insisted on their friend dating the ex. Even though nothing happened, it's interesting to know some people don't find it a big deal. Just make sure that if you are one of those people that don't mind dating a best friend's ex, just be safe, be respectful, and be healthy.
Have you ever dated your best friend's ex? If so was it awkward for you? Is there even a stigma with dating your best friend's ex or even a family member's ex? mmm....
Posted by TIAJ at 10:01 PM
The organizaton got offended when they saw that Perry had a couple people in the movie contracting the virus stating that it made the actors look like monsters. HIV/AIDS has been a serious epidemic for years and can effect any type of person. Perry couldn't help but to show how serious it was the movie by how a person can easily manipulate you into getting with them. There is so much misconceptions and misinterpretations about this because others also felt that Perry used HIV as being the only result in cheating. Others felt that he was enhancing the stereotype that HIV/AIDS is the highest in black and latinos. The movie made so much controversy, but on the wrong aspects.
The whole point was to know that temptation can get you killed both literally and figuratively, but society took it down a different path. The HIV/AIDS shocker caught the most attention. Huffington Post writers had comments about the film where they commented on the idea of infidelity resulting into drastic and life-threntening in order to be appealing saying, "Whether or not one condones cheating on a spouse, the implications that a person deserves HIV is horrifying," said Michael Ryan. Even in different reviews people were writing in complaining how Perry was exploiting HIV and almost glorifying it.
I'm pretty sure Perry's intentions were not to exploit HIV especially since it's so serious. The movie portrayed exactly what the title was, temptation. In many interviews, Perry explained the concept was to focus on the fact that you have to appreciate what you have at home even if it's boring because temptation is most of the time temporary and if you get stuck in a rut then make it work. It's unfortunate that the characters had this viral disease, but he tried to be as realistic as he could contracting a disease is one of the results of infidelity. That goes to show you how important protection is. No, I'm not saying if you're going to cheat then use protection, I'm saying cheating can a chose as well as using protection and those characters portrayed infidelity and irresponsibility. It was a big shock when Brandy revealed it first in the movie that she had the disease, but instead of it being a wake-up call to the audience it was an insult.
So what do you think? Did Tyler Perry really exploit HIV/AIDS? Are people being a little dramatic and too critical? Should there have been a different outcome?
Posted by TIAJ at 7:17 PM
Most people has been or might end up in a situation where they were being taken advantage of in a relationship. Sometimes people don't realize it's happening because they get so caught up within the situation especially if they are madly in love with the person. Others are just so naive because they try to be so hopeful that a miracle will come out in the end not realizing that the relationship will end. Some people might also see the signs, but don't want to believe that they are being strung along because they either invested so much time in the relationship or they are just simply not sure if it's true or not. So how exactly do you know when the strings are pulled. These are some signs that people think about that indicates someone stringing you along:
Everybody has seen those people that act like they have a split personality. When they are in private with you they are fun, talkative, excited, and socially involved with you. In public, it's like they have no idea who you are. Whaat's up with that? Well most of the time it's to impress other people that they know especially if they are seeking out someone else. That's the worst feeling when they ignore you in front of everyone because rejection can make a person feel embarrassed. You can't help but to confront them right then and there and what's with the new behavior.
Usual when someone is excited about you they brag to their friends about you. Friends usually all the stories or hears your name constantly in the conversations especially if it's good things they talk about. So if you are a shock to their friends it's because you weren't mentioned to them by the person you are with. It makes you feel like they are hiding you from them or that you are not important and that's a horrible feeling to feel especially if you didn't do anything wrong to them. The best way to solve that is to again confront them to see what's the deal. If there is no answer, hopefully you know what to do after that.
Pretty self-explanatory, you send someone a text and then you wait....and you wait......and you wait. Then what, nothing. You want to stay calm, but in your head you're like, "What's going on with them!" especially if they are the type that are always on their phone. Or you call them and it goes straight to voicemail every single time. The suspicions jsut starting building and building to the point where you give yourself a headache. Of course there are certain exceptions to why they haven't responded to like calls or text being that their phone could've died or it was shut off, but if you have their other contact informaion they should at least respond through either e-mail or skype or facebook, etc. Therefore if you feel that they are ignoring you, just leave them alone. Don't get too carried away with constantly contacting them because you don't want to look like a stalker.
You know what I'm talking about. They get annoyed with everything you are doing or are not concerned with your feelings, but yet they tell you not to leave them because they are working on themselves. You know that is a bunch of bull....If you can't seem to talk to the other person about the problems that is going on between you two then you shouldn't really be around each other. You are only hurting each other when you prolong avoiding the issue. Put a stop to it and ask them where is this going, if' there's no answer, they know exactly what a door looks like.
Of course there are a lot more reasons than this, but this was just an overview what most people complain about. It is hard to let go of something you are used to but remember that your happiness matters before anything. If you were strung along what signs did you see that were different from the ones above?
Posted by TIAJ at 6:11 PM
Actor, Michael Clarke Duncan got his tombstone vadalized by someone who hasn't been identified.
It was reported the incident was a racist act of crime. His family is already still trying to mourning the loss of their beloved relative, but this is too much added stress. When his family went to go visit his grave at the Hollywood Hills cemetary, they noticed a black-faced drawing right in the center. The drawing was later identified as what's called "Sambo," that supposedly reperesents black people. His family then contacted the police and marked the incident as a hate crime. There still has been no arrest for the vandalization.
Prayers go out to the family.
Posted by TIAJ at 3:58 PM
Just a few days ago I did a post about club etiquette and behaviors tactics while clubbing, but now it seems like all that stuff doesn't matter unless you have a good DJ. The first guy that walked in had an argument with the manager about the music. He felt that they weren't playing the kind of songs that he liked and almost got into an altercation with him. When they kicked the guy out, he came back with an AK-47. The crazy part was the guy kept slipping when he was running back into the club and even slipping before he shot fire.
He then sent his friend back into the club to act as his getaway to distract the bouncers of the club and to make sure they drive off in time.
Even though music sets the mood or the scene of the atmosphere, but if you hate the music either grin and bear it or leave.
Posted by TIAJ at 2:54 AM
Being with a friend with benefits is a complicated thing because almost always one of the two people gets attached. Even if they didn't have feelings in the beginning or within the first year of the friendship, it builds up later in the relationship. Often times there are miscommunication with the title. The one person could think that there is no strings attached, but the other person assumes that because there is sex then there is a legit relationship so then it gets awkward. Another thing that happens is that once one of you get a significant other, the other person might get jealous even though you weren't together to begin with so then a friendship might get ruin.
Since there are potential complications with this title there are rules that most people develope when establishing the relationship. Here are some that some people take into consideration:
Some people feel like texting should be your only communication when you are in a friend with benefits situation. Being that it is just a sexual relationship you can't treat it like you are dating. When hooking up, your text messages should be to the point and self-explanatory of what you are getting into that night, notice I said that night and not day. This means that booty call hours are operated because you are just getting with each other for sex. The main indication is that yes you are friends and it's ok to hang out, but the communication is limited as far as discussing any intimate details because you are trying to use each other for sex. Also sexting is not recommended because you might have some nosey friends in your group.
When sleeping over, don't get too carried away with overstaying your welcome. Even though you are just sex buddies, you still are regular buddies to so some people don't want to be too rude when kicking the person out. Since you are using each other for sex, you are following the booty call rule and just hitting and quitting it. Therefore what most people suggest is to keep your socks on during sex. Not because of the whole idea that having socks on makes you orgasm quicker, but it's that you don't want to get too comfortable at the person's place. Especially if the might potentionally catch feelings, cuddling and spending the night might push it. Once one of you leave, you are allowed to either walk the person out the door or give them a goodnight or good morning kiss goodbye since y'all are still friends, hopefully they will be out before dawn.
Obviously pet names are a no-no because again you are not in a monogamously committed relationship. Therefore you shouldn't have little cute names for each other. You might have nicknames, but leave it at that because pet names are a lot more initimate especially if it's based off of either a position that one of you did or a skill they performed on you or even a physiological effect based off of arousal (use your imagination with that one lol). So, just keep it simple with calling each other by your first name and keep it moving.
Greeting Each Other
Being that you two are friends, then be friends. Since there's benefits involved, in public there is to be no PDA. You are not a couple, especially if you guys share mutual friends you don't want to make your sexual relationship too obvious that anything is going on. So maybe do some high fives and hand shakes or even a dap, but no intimate smooches. Hugging is acceptable though. When hanging out with each other, balance it out with your schedules meaning if you are around each other a lot, don't make it suspicious enough to the point where other people question your status. Don't go out to dinner, or movies, give each other special gifts or anything that is considered dating unless it's like a group of you guys, not recommended. You don't want to confuse each other that it's turning into a relationship.
Those rules were like the four main rules that some people might go by. It might not be all the way accurate, but it was enough to sum up the status of the title. What were some of your rules if you were in a FWB? Did they help? Are the rules I listed bogus? Can friends with benefits ruin a friendship?
If you are in a friends with benefits situation make sure it is safe and fun, and don't let your emotions get the best of you!
Posted by TIAJ at 1:57 AM